Monday, 26 April 2010

Ten Movie Facts About Me

Kid in the Front Row has decreed that I must disclose ten movie facts about myself, before nominating two other bloggers to do the same.

In the vain hope that they may read this, I nominate Sugary Cynic at Sugary Cynicism and TS at The Non-Review to divulge their own ten. Both these blogs are amusing and deserving of your attention!

Here's ten movie-related facts about me:

1. I do not have a favourite film. When pressed, I could present a list of about thirty films that mean more to me, personally, than others; regardless of their actual quality or critical value.

2. I write movie and tv scripts as a kind of hobby, but my chronic procrastination and terminal lack of motivation means it can take years to finish a single project and then I never get 'round to doing anything with the ones I do finish anyway.

3. I think "Hudson Hawk" is the most criminally under-rated film in the history of cinema. Terminally misunderstood, it was condemned upon its release as a nonsensical Bruce Willis vanity-project, mispromoted as an action film and is widely thought of as a legendarily bad movie. It is, infact, a brilliantly executed absurdist adventure romp which is simply too violent and sweary to be a kids' film and too nut-bag silly to placate the action crowd. Even Andie McDowell isn't that bad in it. For reals.

4. I think Johnny Depp's best performance is in "Finding Neverland".

5. Ironically, for someone so in love with the medium of film, I fully hate film itself. Working as a projectionist, you spend a large portion of your time untangling loops and knots of film, trying not to scratch prints, heaving entire films from one screen to another, hefting film-cases up and down stairs and trying to thread uncooperative 35mm strips of bastardry through improbably small slots and 'round unyeilding bobbins. Film is a pain in the arse. Watching a movie on film in the digital age is like listening to a cassette instead of a cd. Film must die.

Some will think me a philistine, but I don't know what that word means. I think movies should still be allowed to be shot on film, if that's what the director wants, but the days of paying wads of cash to watch a scratchy, jittery print with flickering black specks all over it are numbered.

6. I prefer "Return of the Jedi" to "Star Wars" (that's "A New Hope", if you're a tosser).

7. After doing a job in which I am occasionally paid money to sit in empty auditoriums and watch the latest releases, I find it increasingly less appealing to attend public shows. The main complaint made in cinemas is disturbances caused by other customers, so why would I want to put myself back in the fray? Due to this, and the fact that the thought of coming in to work to watch a film on my day off fills me with abject terror, I actually watch less films now than I did before I worked at the cinema. If I don't get chance to see a flick before it goes infront of the baying mob, then I usually won't peep at it 'til it comes out on dvd.

8. I made a series of short films (of varying quality) with a projectionist friend of mine. They can be viewed here.

9. I used to work at Blockbuster Video. We would get seven free rentals a week, and I frequently used all mine up and then borrowed from the other members of staff. This is not where my love of film began, but it was a period in my life when I watched more films than any other.

Blockbuster Anecdote: I was on the shop floor, putting some returns back on the shelves, and there was a little boy of about three or four years running around the shop, screaming and basically being a little prick. The shop was pretty busy, and I thought "That kid's parents most be right wankers". The very moment I formed this thought, a man standing next to me turned to the little kid and shouted "Morpheus! Get here, now!"

I was right.

10. In a fight between Indiana Jones, James T. Kirk, Thomas "Neo" Anderson, "Dirty" Harry Callahan, the two-headed monster from "Willow", Han Solo, Beatrix "The Bride" Kiddo, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, James Bond and Jason Bourne, I think Bourne would win. He'd bash everyone in with a book or a magazine or summat. Be a good fight, though.


  1. You, know I've been thinking of writing scripts myself... I was thinking a Lethal Weapon meets LoTR style fantasy action movie. Maybe not though.

    And I have to agree, Return of The Jedi is better than A New Hope.

    Good stuff!

  2. I just want you to know that I both own and love Hudson Hawk "I feel like a dolphin that's never tasted melted snow"

    also I am all over this top 10 whatnot

  3. Poor Morpheus. And that would be an amazing fight! Bourne easily wins. ;)

  4. Dave X: The most workable script I have written was actually a buddy-action-comedy-romance-fantasy-adventure. Great minds think alike.

    Sugar: HH is one of my favourite films. "You mean Pokie? Can you believe that kooky little elephant?"

    viince: Bourne wins ALL!

    Cheers for comments!

  5. Man I love Hudson Hawk! It really is a great film.

    Hahaha, Morpheus! That is too darn funny.

    Thanks for the challenge. I'll have to ruminate over it for a bit.

  6. "You have to stop telling me what to do, Kid."

    Freaking hilarious. Loved "finding Neverland." Well done.

  7. Hmm, interesting challengers. Bond would be too busy bonking Beatrix to fight, so my money's also on Bourne.