Monday, 26 April 2010

Ten Movie Facts About Me

Kid in the Front Row has decreed that I must disclose ten movie facts about myself, before nominating two other bloggers to do the same.

In the vain hope that they may read this, I nominate Sugary Cynic at Sugary Cynicism and TS at The Non-Review to divulge their own ten. Both these blogs are amusing and deserving of your attention!

Here's ten movie-related facts about me:

1. I do not have a favourite film. When pressed, I could present a list of about thirty films that mean more to me, personally, than others; regardless of their actual quality or critical value.


2. I write movie and tv scripts as a kind of hobby, but my chronic procrastination and terminal lack of motivation means it can take years to finish a single project and then I never get 'round to doing anything with the ones I do finish anyway.


3. I think "Hudson Hawk" is the most criminally under-rated film in the history of cinema. Terminally misunderstood, it was condemned upon its release as a nonsensical Bruce Willis vanity-project, mispromoted as an action film and is widely thought of as a legendarily bad movie. It is, infact, a brilliantly executed absurdist adventure romp which is simply too violent and sweary to be a kids' film and too nut-bag silly to placate the action crowd. Even Andie McDowell isn't that bad in it. For reals.


4. I think Johnny Depp's best performance is in "Finding Neverland".


5. Ironically, for someone so in love with the medium of film, I fully hate film itself. Working as a projectionist, you spend a large portion of your time untangling loops and knots of film, trying not to scratch prints, heaving entire films from one screen to another, hefting film-cases up and down stairs and trying to thread uncooperative 35mm strips of bastardry through improbably small slots and 'round unyeilding bobbins. Film is a pain in the arse. Watching a movie on film in the digital age is like listening to a cassette instead of a cd. Film must die.

Some will think me a philistine, but I don't know what that word means. I think movies should still be allowed to be shot on film, if that's what the director wants, but the days of paying wads of cash to watch a scratchy, jittery print with flickering black specks all over it are numbered.


6. I prefer "Return of the Jedi" to "Star Wars" (that's "A New Hope", if you're a tosser).


7. After doing a job in which I am occasionally paid money to sit in empty auditoriums and watch the latest releases, I find it increasingly less appealing to attend public shows. The main complaint made in cinemas is disturbances caused by other customers, so why would I want to put myself back in the fray? Due to this, and the fact that the thought of coming in to work to watch a film on my day off fills me with abject terror, I actually watch less films now than I did before I worked at the cinema. If I don't get chance to see a flick before it goes infront of the baying mob, then I usually won't peep at it 'til it comes out on dvd.


8. I made a series of short films (of varying quality) with a projectionist friend of mine. They can be viewed here.


9. I used to work at Blockbuster Video. We would get seven free rentals a week, and I frequently used all mine up and then borrowed from the other members of staff. This is not where my love of film began, but it was a period in my life when I watched more films than any other.

Blockbuster Anecdote: I was on the shop floor, putting some returns back on the shelves, and there was a little boy of about three or four years running around the shop, screaming and basically being a little prick. The shop was pretty busy, and I thought "That kid's parents most be right wankers". The very moment I formed this thought, a man standing next to me turned to the little kid and shouted "Morpheus! Get here, now!"

I was right.


10. In a fight between Indiana Jones, James T. Kirk, Thomas "Neo" Anderson, "Dirty" Harry Callahan, the two-headed monster from "Willow", Han Solo, Beatrix "The Bride" Kiddo, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, James Bond and Jason Bourne, I think Bourne would win. He'd bash everyone in with a book or a magazine or summat. Be a good fight, though.

7 comments:

  1. You, know I've been thinking of writing scripts myself... I was thinking a Lethal Weapon meets LoTR style fantasy action movie. Maybe not though.

    And I have to agree, Return of The Jedi is better than A New Hope.

    Good stuff!

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  2. I just want you to know that I both own and love Hudson Hawk "I feel like a dolphin that's never tasted melted snow"

    also I am all over this top 10 whatnot

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  3. Poor Morpheus. And that would be an amazing fight! Bourne easily wins. ;)

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  4. Dave X: The most workable script I have written was actually a buddy-action-comedy-romance-fantasy-adventure. Great minds think alike.

    Sugar: HH is one of my favourite films. "You mean Pokie? Can you believe that kooky little elephant?"

    viince: Bourne wins ALL!

    Cheers for comments!

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  5. Man I love Hudson Hawk! It really is a great film.

    Hahaha, Morpheus! That is too darn funny.

    Thanks for the challenge. I'll have to ruminate over it for a bit.

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  6. "You have to stop telling me what to do, Kid."

    Freaking hilarious. Loved "finding Neverland." Well done.

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  7. Hmm, interesting challengers. Bond would be too busy bonking Beatrix to fight, so my money's also on Bourne.

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