Sunday, 11 April 2010

Upcoming Films that I am Curious About: Part One

Here's some films that are due out this year which have my attention for one reason or another. There are a lot of them, so this is merely Part One of a Double Feature. Part Two Coming Soon.

As some of these films are a long way from release, they don't have official stills or trailers so, in that case, simply read the words and try to use your mental imaging faculties to create an impression of what the film might look like. It's fun!

(All opinions featured in this post are completely unfounded and speculative and liable to be revoked without notice)

Four Lions

This is a comedy about Islamic suicide-bombers, wafting from the brain-oven of Chris Morris. The man behind "Brass Eye", "The Day Today" and "Nathan Barley" has a history of courting controversy whilst making incisive, intelligent and hilarious satire, so this could be the surprise best comedy of the year.


CG Disney version of "Rapunzel", featuring animation apparently done in such a way as to look like an oil-painting or summat. The typical "re-envisimakimagiboot" process of feistying up the heroine sounds like a load of cobblers, but the above concept art makes me go "Coo!".

Green Hornet

Fascinating combo of big-budget superhero movie, looney-tune director and slimmed-down former-fat comedy star. Michel Gondry is the addled mind behind Science of Sleep, Eternal Sunshine and Be Kind Rewind, and Seth Rogen - usually a chunky, hairy loser - attempts a regeneration into square-jawed action hero. Add a chop-socky sidekick and The Jew Hunter as the Bad Guy and I am fully intrigued.

Tron: Legacy

TRON traumatised me as a child. I watched it up until this bit where a massive giant face disintegrated some dude by throwing him at a wall or something. Then I went up to my room and ate a Kit-Kat and had a lie down. I have never re-visited the film, but always felt I should. The trailer for this new one looks interesting, with young and old Dudes, the rapturous Dr Thirteen from House in figure-hugging Nu-Rave get-up, Michael Sheen dressed as David Bowie and of course light-cycles zooming about all over the shop. Will this one terrify me as much as the original? We'll see.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part One

You can't stop Harry Potter. Just when you thought it was almost over, they split his final adventure into two seperate films. Remember at the end of the fourth film; when Snake-face Ralph Fiennes came out of a stew or summat and killed Edward Cullen? And everyone was like "Oh, he's back alive now, it's all going to kick off!" and then pretty much nothing happened for the next two films? This one will probably be more of the same: filler. It is lifted from the first section of the book, which consists mainly of Harry, his jailbait mate and wacky Rod wandering around in a forest and listening to the radio. This makes the list because I am interested to see how they can possibly make this watchable, let alone a satisfying film.

Cemetery Junction

Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant's feature debut. Before viewing the trailers - as an avid fan of The Office and Extras - this would've made my "childish glee" list, but now I'm not so sure. The film is apparently more of a drama than an out-and-out comedy, but even the "funny" bits in the trailer aren't very funny. I still have high hopes, but haven't been bowled over by anything I've seen so far.

True Grit

Anything by the Coen Brothers gets my attention, but a reunion with The Dude? On a remake of a John Wayne film? Sounds bizarrely brill.

Exit Through the Gift Shop

An obssessive documentarian sets out to make a film about mysterious public-property defacer "Banksy", but Banksy turns the focus back on him. Could be an insightful peek into a world of art which most of us only come across when we are trying to scrub it off a wall, could be pretentious psuedo-edgy culture-wank.

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Another iconic horror remake. Casting Rorschach as Freddy is a pretty shrewd move and the trailer doesn't look terrible but, as with most remakes, the lingering question "WHY?" hangs over the whole proceeding like a cloud of stinky arse-gas.


Kooky-looking little sci-fi horror with Sarah Polley and Adrien Brody's Beak playing God when they genetically engineer some kind of human/goat-foetus hybrid. Looks suitably creepy and weird, and reminds me of childhood memories of a tv show (called Chimera, I think) where some genetic feakazoid lived in a barn and made friends with a kid or summat. Don't remember much about it, but it creeped me the shit out almost as much as TRON. It's unusual to see an interesting, NEW horror film on the slate, n'all.

Knight and Day

Didn't give a shit about this film, had barely even heard of it, until I watched the above trailer and found it to be amusing and irreverent for the most part. Dinky Tom Cruise smilingly saying "I'm the guy" and then going dark and shouting "Anybody moves and I'll kill myself and then her!" got a surprise laugh from me, and there are a few amusing stunts in there too. Cameron Diaz looks a little shrill and annoying, which is a detractor, but overall this looks like it might be a pleasant surprise.

The Last Airbender

M. Night Shymalan is a good director who hasn't always made good films. This is his first move into epic family adventure territory, and is based on a cartoon series about a kid with alopecia; which I haven't seen. There are people in it called "Benders" which is funny on every concievable level, and apparently they can control the elements. Earth, air, water, fire. So it's like Captain Planet without the heart. And that nice boy from Slumdog gets to be a baddie. Neat!


Adrien Brody sticks his beak in again, this time fighting against the crab-mouthed monstrosities that only Arnie or... well... Danny Glover can defeat. Looks like a bunch of hardened killers are rounded up by the aliens and turned loose in a jungle for a kind of extra-terrestrial redneck turkey shoot. Robert Rodriguez produces, Morpheus shows up to impart wisdom, Danny Trejo probably throws big knives or summat, and the trailer looks to be trading a little hard on the franchise's former "glories". Could it be as much macho funtimes as Predator? Or as much idiot-brained cock-belch as AVP:Requiem?



  1. I am hoping, but at the same time do not have high hopes for Last Airbender or Harry Potter. I'm a big fan of the cartoon and they managed to mangle the source material like it was their destiny in life to do so. Harry Potter for the reason you listed, for 60% of the book that isn't major characters dying willy-nilly, it's depressing camp outs on the bleak countryside. Also, I think cock-belch is the most visually horrifying thing I have ever read on here. congrats :p

  2. Mr Mass,
    I thought Exit Through the Gift Shop was really good. An interesting swerve in the central subject (it's sort of Banksy but not really) and hardly pretentious at all. And funny. The Princess Di money was a great idea.

    Ms So So Jeans

  3. I'm one of the masses who boycott Cruise films in an effort to prevent extra money from going to scientology, but Knight and Day looks HILARIOUS. This is a problem for me.

    I'm also seriously looking forward to The Last Airbender, just because I LOVE Dev Patel.

  4. Sugar: So is the "Avatar" cartoon anything like "Captain Planet"?

    Ms So So: I have read a lot of good reviews; good that you can confirm!

    Stark: What do you think the scientologists are going to do with that extra money? And Dev Patel rules us all.

  5. continue to abuse children.

    They are not a very nice group of people.