Wednesday, 3 November 2010

100th Post: Burn, Baby, Burn!


THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MESS WITH PROJECTIONISTS! WE WILL BURN YOUR FUCKING HOUSE DOWN AND PISS ON THE ASHES!

Not really, of course, we are a peaceful race and are more likely to just grumble under our breath and make rude gestures at you when you're not looking.

So we had our final meeting, in which the ultimate plan for the future of projection was revealed to us. And, after multiple "consultation" meetings and "your opinion counts" platitudes, the plan was pretty much the same as the one they proposed in the first place.

The meeting basically amounted to: when the hammer falls and your cinema is chosen to convert to digital (at a still undisclosed date) you either become a manager, a team leader (management lackey) or a popcorn jockey, or you can sling your hook and help yourself to an "enhanced" redundancy package which is a little bit better than the legal bare-minimum so be grateful for it you soon-to-be-superfluous bastard.

This was hammered home by the grossly insensitive logo which proclaimed the PowerPoint presentation "the future of cinema". It might as well have continued: "doesn't include you reel-spinning, sprocketeer shutter-monkeys".

I think they said we would get three months' notice before the changeover, but I can't be sure because I'm pretty certain I was nodding off by this point.

It was nothing we didn't expect. Until the building caught fire.

I wish I could say that the plumes of smoke you see in the picture above were caused by a disgruntled projectionist's attempt to sabotage the "future of cinema" by strapping a bomb-bag on and hurling himself at a Sony projector, but that was not the case. Apparently there was a fire in a bin round the back or summat.

So we finished the meeting outside.

And then we went home.

It's all over bar the blubbing. And we don't know when that will start. I'll let you know when I do.

This is The Intermittent Sprocket's 100th post, less than two weeks from the blog's first anniversary, and it's already the beginning of the end...

6 comments:

  1. Stop this! This blog can't end! Surely, you don't mean that?! And congrats on the 100th post but otherwise pretty crappy day, sorry things are going so downhill Mass.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The blog will continue but under a different title. The Rent Boy has a nice ring to it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Are they still pushing through the 'lite' initative? Does this mean no projectionists at all??

    ReplyDelete
  4. Cheers Carolyn! Don't worry, things will continue as normal for some time yet.

    Tommy: Let's cross that bridge when we come to it.

    Jack: No projectionists at all. There will be a manager who is in charge of projection, the same way there is one in charge of stock or HR. We will become extinct!

    ReplyDelete
  5. At our meeting we thought it'd be nice to take a group photo. We'll make a poster of it and pop it in the West Ends bar so that in years to come our grandchildren can look upon it and question who we were and what we did in the old days.
    Congrats on the 100th post too!

    ReplyDelete
  6. What?! I come back from a holiday in the UK to this? This had better not be the end or I'll never go on holiday again.

    ReplyDelete