Some of the scenes are in 2D? Is it gonna be like "The Wizard of Oz", but the real world is 2D and the "fantasy" is 3D?
Fucking hell, the Digital Dude is terrifying. He's supposed to be giving a loving, fatherly smile to his little son, but it looks like he's a fucking robo-zombie who wants to crack the kid's head open and sup his brain-blood!
Why's the kid got posters and memorabilia from the first film all over his room?
The 3D's not up to much.
Olivia Wilde is as pretty as a picture. Of Olivia Wilde.
Oh, this is the bit where he tries to describe the sun.
Garrett Hedlund reminds me of a cross between Christian Slater and the Honey Monster.
His description of the sun as "warm, radiant, beautiful" puts me in mind of Baldrick describing the sea as a "big, blue wobbly thing" in "Blackadder".
a $200 million fan-wank.
Is this "Madagascar 3"? Actually looks more like that other one that flopped. "The Wild" I believe it was.
Is that kangaroo drinking a can of beer?
I don't know what that's supposed to be, but it looks a potential lawsuit lot like the Tasmanian Devil from Looney Tunes.
Now he's drinking beer too.
The CGI is fucking rubbish. It's like watching "Reboot".
The animals seem to be talking about wiping out mankind before we kill them. Maybe I got the wrong end of the stick, that seems a bit dark for a talkie-animal kid-flick.
Nope, they've done it. There's an army of animals marching triumphantly through a deserted Manhattan. Looks a bit "12 Monkeys" to me. Roll credits.
should be called "Animal Uprising" or "Animal Apocalypse" or summat.
Christina's chebs are hanging out of her dress. I think this is a clever ruse to draw the eye away from the subtly witch-like qualities of her facial features. It's mostly working.
Christina and that dude from "Twilight" are drunk and giggling. Are they gonna get it on? Wait, what certificate is this? Am I gonna see some action?
The "Twilight" geezer's nekkid. I'm sure there was wang on display.
Christina's getting that dress off now!
Oh, no. They're just sharing a chaste kiss and we're fading to something else. Never mind.
I think it's a 12A, and mostly aimed at females, so the core audience is satisfied with "Twilight" bloke's man-chebs. I imagine Christina spends the film in various stages of undress, but frankly, I haven't the time to stand here leering through the porthole all day.
Maybe just a minute or two longer.
There's Cher's alabaster mug. That's put me right off.
Back to work.
I'm perving on Christina Aguilera. I'm not. I'm checking out the focus, rack and volume of the movie. Definitely not checking her out, or focusing on her voluminous rack IN the movie. At all.
This is that thing about some goober from YouTube, innit? Yeah, there he is.
Oh, he's pitch-shifted his voice so that it's all squeaky. And he's gurning and shrieking directly to camera.
God, I bet this gets annoying over an hour and a half.
I'll give it another minute or two.
Twenty-eight seconds later:
OH MY GOD! KILL IT! KILL IT WITH STICKS AND BIG MASSIVE BOMBS!
"Freddy Got Fingered" for tweens.