Thursday, 27 January 2011

Covert Ops: Can't Stop the Signal

So we went to a "Presentation Day" for Universal Studios. Usually it's a manager or two who get to go, but my boss intercepted the email and put me and him on the guest list. We got breakfast and lunch and free popcorn and water and a diary, as if I have anything on this year. They basically played us a showreel of their upcoming films, with a bit of fumbly, kid-in-assembly spiel from some Universal marketing types. And then they showed us a film. A film I was quite excited to see. And it was good.

Here's the absurd part, though: They referred to the presentation as an "Information Day", keeping us posted about coming attractions, but they made us sign Non-Disclosure Agreements which forbid us from even talking about the content of the material we were shown.

It's kinda like getting into Demi Moore in her prime and not being able to tell anyone about it.

What's the point of giving us early info if we're not allowed to spread it? Some of the rough clips we were shown were quite impressive, surely they would want the good word to get out?

Apparently not.

Well fear not, gentle reader, for The Intermittent Sprocket is no slave to the mores of studio-politics! The public has a right to know! If they want a fight, they've got one! You can't handle the truth! Etc!

First off, they showed us a featurette about "___" which looks fucking rubbish. It's made by the geezer who did "_____ ___ ___ _________" fer chrissakes. I don't know what _____ _______ was thinking when he signed up for this one. At least _______ _____ doesn't have to show his face.

They showed a pre-recorded intro for "_______" which was basically just _____ _______ bleating on about "the future of cinema" and all that shit, basically amounting to a self-congratulatory message aimed at the Universal distrubutors, patting himself on the back for putting projectionists out of a job. Scrooge McDick.

There was a clip from "___________", written by _______ ____ (who also featured in the secret film they showed us) and produced by ____ ______, which was surprisingly hilarious in a sick kind of way. It involved ______, ________, ___ _____ and _______, and looked very promising.

We saw an extended, unfinished action scene from "____ ____" which looked just as ridiculous as you'd expect: ____ smashing through _____, dragging a massive ____ behind them and causing all sorts of _____. The most interesting aspect of this was the fact you could see all the cameras at the side of the ____ and observe squibs before they were detonated and all that other sort of "unfinished footage" stuff.

There wasn't much else that really stood out, a few _______ dramas (including a creepy-looking "____ ____" adaptation with _______ __________ going all weird with _____ ____ and stuff), and a couple of rough scenes from "_____", the new film from ___ ______, which featured ____ ________ and ____ ____ doing some sub-Bourne stuff and ______ _____ acting like a slightly less impressive Hit-Girl.

And now for the scoop on this movie:

The film they showed us in its entirety was "____" and it was a fun time. It's not as good as "____ __ ___ ____" or "___ ____", but it's still a good laugh. Lots of typical __-_____ and _____ buffoonery, and some amusing action, too. Why they wouldn't want us to tell people about it is beyond me.

The wording on the non-disclosure agreement was that watertight that they even said we are not allowed to disclose details of art-direction or costume, so I shouldn't even be telling you that _____ ____ wears an "______ _____ ____" T-Shirt for much of the duration of the film.

I will write a full review of "____" when it is closer to release, but just know that I enjoyed it for now.

Can't stop the signal, Mal!

post censored by request of Universal Pictures


  1. Dang, the only one I could figure out was from the helpful nickname of Scrooge McDick. Oh well XD

  2. I found this post to be very ____. I would have liked to have seen more ____ and ____, but was happy with the _____ provided.
    Whatever you do, don't stop _______ or you will die in a ______.

    Yours Truly,

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  4. Sugar: You may be killed now. You know too much!

    Nina, Diego: No one is safe!

    Thanks for comments!